“Everything Doesn’t Happen For A Reason”*

I recently read a blog online (I know, goes without saying) by a man named Tim (no last name) who says he suffers from cerebral palsy and epilepsy.  As we all know, these are two illnesses that keep on giving.  You never get well.  You just have to live with them.  The tenor of his article, which I will write below, is that everything “…does not happen for a reason,” and that anyone who says that whatever disaster you have just faced and are recovering from does happen for a reason is denying you your right to grieve.  But please read what I just wrote in his own words.  He says the above much more eloquently.

“Let me be crystal clear.  If you faced a tragedy and someone tells you in any way, shape or form that your tragedy was meant to be, that it happened for a reason, that it will make you a better person, or that taking responsibility for it will fix it, you have every right to remove them from your life.”*

“Grief is brutally painful.  Grief does not only occur when someone dies.  When relationships fall apart you grieve.  When opportunities are shattered you grieve.  When dreams die, you grieve.  When illnesses wreck you, you grieve.  So I’m going to repeat a few word I’ve uttered countless times; words so powerful and honest that they tear at the hubris of every jackass who participates in the debasing of grieving.”

“Some things in life cannot be fixed.  They can only be carried.”*

“These words are so poignant because they aim right at the pathetic platitudes our culture has come to embody on an increasingly hopeless level.  Losing a child cannot be fixed.  Being diagnosed with a debilitating illness cannot be fixed.  Facing the betrayal of your closes confidant cannot be fixed.  They can only be carried.*

“… In short, my (personal) pain has never been eradicated.  I’ve just learned to channel it into my work with others..  I consider it a great privilege to work with others in pain,  but to say that my losses somehow had to happen in order for my gifts to grow would be to trample on the memories of all those I lost too young; all those who suffered needlessly, and all those who faced the same trials I did early in life, but who did not make it.  I’m simply not going to do that.  I’m not going to construct some delusional narrative fallacy for myself so that I can feel better about being alive.  I’m not going to assume God ordained me for life instead of all the others so that I could do what I do now.  I am certainly not going to pretend that I’ve made it through simply because I was strong enough; that I became ‘successful’ because ‘I took responsibility.’ “*

*Tim’s blog. Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason, (October 20, 2015)